I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
