where am i from again
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
