I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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