dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
