she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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