so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
