GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
