Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
