It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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