Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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