woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
