You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
