my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
