How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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