I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
