I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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