I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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