no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
