Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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