I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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