i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
