is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
