The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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