I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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