I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
