You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!