Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
