I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
