P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
