Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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