dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
don't judge my taste in strippers
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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