i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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