Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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