I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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