this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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