I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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