I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
