i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
