a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
