First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
