i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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