she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
