You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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