he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
