You're my little dorito
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
