Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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