Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize