My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When did angry sex become our thing?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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