obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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