wakey wakey hands off snakey
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
