Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
