I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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