Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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