YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
