im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
