I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
