New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
