it was like his penis was on wheels.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
