so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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