You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
