I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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