Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
