Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
