just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
