cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
