Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
